


Can't Kill You, You'll Die!

by Reioka



Series: Reioka's Tumblr Prompts [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comedy of Errors, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 11:59:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11104146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reioka/pseuds/Reioka
Summary: The Asset was sent in to kill Tony Stark before Project insight. Tony Stark is a klutzy mess. The Asset--Bucky--didn't stand a chance.





	Can't Kill You, You'll Die!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to digdipper09 from Tumblr for this title that literally made me laugh out loud. This was a prompt from my Tumblr: So, a prompt! First, do you write for IronPanther and StarkQuill pairings? If yes, I might be back with more prompts for them, but I'd really like Stuckony where HYDRA sent the WS to kill Tony before launching Project Insight, so he can't somehow stop it at the last minute, as heroes are wont to do. He's sent UC in SI, because that's the only way to get close, but Tony, exhausted, trips and twists his ankle in front of him and dozens of witnesses, so he can't kill him yet. (1/2)  
> He’s forced to pick him up and take him to the med bay, being the security guard and visualy strongest. But he’s desperatly touch starved, and really like touching/carrying Tony, and he smelled so good and was really nice to him, so he decides Tony must absolutely never die and tells him everything, declaring himself his new bodyguard. Steve/Tony is established, and both are aware of Bucky’s feelings for Tony (before and after regaining memories) so they invite him into their relationship. 2/3
> 
> And Bucky is super confused, like, punk, we’re already in a relationship?? Keep up? And picks Tony up and takes his two fellas on a date! - ok, that was super long and detailed, sorry about that! I can just imagine it and it’s so cute! You don’t have to include all the elements, I realize it’s a lot, I just really need touch-starved Bucky imprining on Tony and the ‘we’re already dating, punk’ scene! Thanks so much! (3/3) 
> 
> Honestly Bucky doesn't have the patience for patience.

Can’t Kill You, You’ll Die!

 

The Asset had barely even touched his gun when the Mark tripped and went down in a flail of limbs and loose papers. He had to fight a sigh. Some might think the clumsy marks would be easier to kill, because it could be made to look like an accident, but actually it was much harder—they were more likely to accidentally dodge attempts on their lives.

 

The Mark sat up, looking shocked. “Ow.”

 

“Sir?” one of the secretaries called, standing from her desk. “Mr. Stark, are you okay?”

 

“I think so?” The Mark pressed his palms to his eyes, letting out a sigh that betrayed deep exhaustion. “Yeah.” He took her hands when she offered them to him and pulled himself up, letting out a little noise of pain as he finally stood. “Ow!”

 

The secretary began patting him down, concerned. “What? What’s wrong?”

 

The Mark batted her hands away. “I’m fine, Ms. Carmichael. Just a twisted ankle.”

 

“You can’t walk on that. Geri!” the secretary called. “Geri, call the medical wing—”

 

“I hate medical,” the Mark complained, like a small child. “Don’t make me go! It was just you that saw it, I—”

 

“Sir,” she said sternly. “Everyone on this floor saw you. You made the outer walls of the offices glass.”

 

The Mark turned, frowning, and flushed a little when he saw everyone peering out of their offices at him. He lifted his hand and did a little finger-wave. Everyone rolled their eyes and went back to their work.

 

The Asset gaped. Did… did this happen often? No one looked surprised.

 

“Captain Rogers will be very upset if he hears we just let you ‘walk this off’ again,” the secretary was saying.

 

The Asset perked up at the mention. Rogers. He knew that name. He recognized that face when doing recon for this mission. He didn’t know how, though. Had he been a previous Mark? But no—he’d be dead if he had been.

 

There was a part of him, deep down, that he couldn’t explain. It wanted him to help Rogers. He didn’t tell his Handlers about it, though. They’d just burn it out of him, too.

 

“Sir!” the secretary called out, making him snap to attention. “Could you escort Mr. Stark to medical? They’re expecting him.”

 

“I hate medical,” the Mark whined again.

 

The Asset mulled over it for a few seconds, but the tiny part of him that wanted to help Rogers won out. Besides, there was nothing sporting about killing a man that couldn’t run.

 

“If you take me to medical, I’ll have you fired!” the Mark said, then whined when the Asset scooped him up like he weighed nothing. “Why isn’t anyone afraid of me anymore?”

 

“Because you’re a giant marshmallow, Mr. Stark,” the secretary told him sternly.

 

The Asset snorted as the Mark began to pout. “I saw you feeding pigeons your bagel this morning.”

 

“Oh my God, so I like feeding birds.” The Mark crossed his arms with a huff.

 

It was… endearing. The Asset liked having him in arms. He smelled nice and was the perfect weight to be carried without being a burden. He walked a little slower, so he could hold him longer.

 

“If I’m too heavy, you can put me down,” the Mark said, noticing, because he was clever, which was why he was such a threat to Hydra. “I know carrying a grown-ass man is difficult even at the best of times—”

 

“Carrying you is like carrying a small cat,” the Asset told him, because he had picked a cat up on the way here to pet it. “A very small cat.”

 

The Mark squawked, offended. “Listen here, Buck-o!”

 

The Asset felt a small thrill at the feeling of  _remembering._  Buck-o. No, no, not that—Bucky. He was  _Bucky._  …Who would name their child ‘Bucky?’

 

“—And if I were a cat I would not be small!” the Mark finished, proud of himself.

 

The Asset (Bucky?) had not heard a word, but when he sat the brunet down on a seat in the medical bay of the Tower, he reached out to pet his hair. “The only thing not small about you is your ego. You share that with cats, too.”

 

The Mark squawked again.

 

.-.-.-.

 

If Stark wasn’t getting himself injured in front of witnesses, he was with his lover, Steve Rogers, and the Asset (Bucky!) found Rogers to be the wildest wild card to ever exist. Horrifying. He’d seen a video of him throwing a trash can at a couple of Nazis (who were unaffiliated with Hydra, from what Bucky could tell. They weren’t trained well, if they were.). So he kept his back to Rogers as much as he could. The last thing he needed was to have his mission ruined by being recognized.

 

Not that he really cared to finish the mission now. Memories kept filtering in (sometimes at the most inopportune times) and he… wanted them. He wanted to keep them, not have Hydra rip them away again.

 

Plus, holding Stark was very nice. He wanted to bury his face in his hair sometimes.

 

“So,” Stark said as he scooped him up for no reason, because all he’d done was get a paper cut. “When are you going to kill me?”

 

Bucky dropped him.

 

“Why!” Stark yowled, much like the cat he’d first described him as.

 

Bucky fumbled for his gun and pointed it at him. “What do you know?”

 

Stark sneered, shoving the gun out of his face, and Bucky… let him. “I’m not an idiot, okay? I started looking into you after the third time you were conveniently there to carry me to medical. At first I thought you were like a creepy stalker or something but I noticed that your work history was spotty and it didn’t take long to dig into it and realize you were probably an assassin. You’re not very good at your job, by the way. You’ve had tons of chances to kill me.”

 

“You smell nice,” Bucky blurted out.

 

Stark gaped at him, looking appalled, before he burst out, “Of course I smell nice. Why does everyone seem to expect me to always smell like I’ve been working in a garage? I am actually aware of showers and soap and try not to smell like an oil stain in my daily life, for the love o—”

 

Bucky had not been prepared for this. He had been prepared to be incarcerated immediately on being found out. “It’s why I like to carry you. Because you smell nice.”

 

“Well that is very flattering!” Stark shouted and somehow managed to sound sincere.

 

Bucky took a step back anyway in case he decided to punch him anyway. “I was sent by Hydra to kill you. Then they could go forward with Project Insight. You’re considered too smart and dangerous to live.”

 

Contrary to whatever he’d been expecting, Stark actually stood up and looked excited at the notion. “Hydra thinks I’m dangerous?!”

 

“…Yes,” the solider replied after a moment.

 

Stark squeaked happily. “Hydra thinks I’m dangerous oh my God! Wait until I tell Steve! He’s going to be so upset!”

 

“…Why,” Bucky began, but then Stark was grabbing his (metal) hand and dragging him to the elevator. “…What?”

 

“This is the best day ever!” Stark exclaimed, nearly vibrating with excitement. “An assassin can’t kill me because I smell nice and Hydra thinks I’m dangerous and Steve is going to have a heart attack!”

 

Bucky stared. “…Why are you happy about Rogers having a heart attack?”

 

“Because this reaffirms that I’m still in the game!” Stark grinned up at him. “That I’m someone to be scared of! And he’ll hate it!”

 

“…Uh.”

 

“So many people have stopped being scared of me since the Avengers came together because I’m basically the only civilian on the team and I AM TERRIFYING okay I can ruin everyone’s lives and no one ever notices!”

 

Bucky thought it was quite possible that Rogers would actually have a heart attack when he saw how happy his boyfriend was about being considered a threat to Hydra.

 

.-.-.-.

 

Living in the tower was… strange. Everyone was nice to him. Well, except for Romanov, but Tony assured him that she was like that with everyone at the beginning and would probably warm up to him in a while. He still wondered if she sharpened her knives threateningly in front of everyone though.

 

Bucky got to call him Tony. That was nice. And Tony let him carry him around still and actually bury his face in his hair. That was nicer. It was a little weird that Steve never had a problem with it. He wondered if it had anything to do with the hints of memory that were coming, of being tangled up in the sheets with another man. …It seemed like the man in his memories was a lot smaller though.

 

They invited him on outings when it was just the two of them, too, like going out to eat and visiting museums and going on walks in the park. They seemed like dates. Was he their bodyguard? But sometimes Tony held his hand. And sometimes Steve put his arm around his shoulders. That did not seem like something you would do with your bodyguard.

 

It took him a while, but he eventually realized they were dating. Him. He was dating Tony Stark who was so beautiful and smart and smelled nice—and he was dating Steve Rogers, who was strong and also beautiful and smart. He didn’t smell as nice as Tony, but Tony had like… a dozen different bottles of soap in his shower and to be honest Bucky didn’t know what half of them were for. Hair? Body? What happened to good old bar soap?

 

So he was very surprised when they were walking toward the elevator and Steve casually asked, “So, Bucky, how would you feel about being our boyfriend?”

 

Bucky stopped and turned to frown at him, confused. “…What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, if you were part of our relationship. A triad. It’s called polyamory—”

 

“But we’re already in a relationship, punk,” the brunet scoffed. “Keep up with me here. You always were a little slow when it came to love.”

 

Steve scowled as Tony began to laugh at him. His scowl immediately faded at the startled, strangled noise Tony made as Bucky scooped him up.

 

“What is your problem!” Tony squawked.

 

“We’re going on a date,” Bucky informed him, nuzzling the top of his head. “How does pizza sound?”

 

Tony sneered at him. “I’m absolutely certain that you know that pizza always sounds great.”

 

Bucky turned a questioning look on Steve.

 

Steve rolled his eyes with a fond smile. “Pizza sounds good to me, too. Hey, how come you never carry me? You could.”

 

“Carrying Tony is like carrying a small cat,” Bucky informed him. “I like cats.”

 

Steve tilted his head. “…Yeah, I can see that.”

 

“I AM NOT A SMALL CAT!” Tony howled, incensed.


End file.
